I woke up at 8am in the morning today, finding myself stuck in the middle of nowhere. I stared at the ceiling, trying hard to read my heart, counting my heart beats and feeling the surrounds. And what comes into my mind? It was nothing. And then I found out, it's just another same old day, same old miserable day. It's been quite some time my heart couldn't feel any excitement, joys and happiness. And today i'm here to make some confessions!
Today while I'm waiting for my Baby Car to be fix, I'm sitting down alone looking at the busy road. Cars are busy racing around while people hassle up and down to get their things done. And suddenly I'm jealous for they know what their doing, what they are aiming and where they are going. At least they have their clear directions but where am I heading to? -MISERABLE-
And suddenly someone pat on my head from my back. I turned and I realize it's him. Then, a smile appeared and without hesitate I gave a hug. I miss you badly! (Yes, I'm talking about you) It's been around 7 years the last time I met you (I guess?) And I'm glad to have you back! And then I start to confess.
Confession #01 : I cried badly in my last outing and I was drunk.
He asked : Why? Anything bad happened?
I said : Nope. Nothing happen and it comes out all of sudden with no reason!
He said : Oh well! No worries. Sometimes you just have to do that to let go whatever inside of you and at least now you know the real feelings in you.
Me : =)
Confession #02 : I'm not me lately. I'm being fake to others.
He said : That's so not you!
I said : They started it!
He asked : Who?
Me : **********. But I'm not happy about it. And I'm sad and disappointed with myself too.
His advice : Don't do things that you don't want to do. Don't force yourself to be one of them. Be yourself. What goes around comes around. They should know what they did.
I said : mmmm...hhhmmmmm...
Confession #03 : I kept secret from my best friends and sometimes I even lie to them.
He asked : Does these secrets and lies related to your besties?
I said : Nope. It's all about me. I just don't want them to know.
He smiles : Well, there are times you have to give some space to yourself. It's not wrong as long as it does not harm anyone. Don't mind about it too much! It's your life and you've got your choice.
Me : Okay.
Confession #04 : I've lost my confidence and I don't know where to find it back.
Question : Lost confidence towards what?
Me : Everything. Love. Work. Friends. I feel miserable?
His advice : Don't concentrate on what is making you miserable. Concentrate on how you want to gain back your confidence and happiness. Instead of finding out the reason, why don't you just solve it? Rather than you stay miserable forever.
I asked : How? I don't want to lose any of them. I'm afraid I can't handle the feeling of losing them.
He said : I'm not asking you to give up on them. I'm sure there's always a second choice and you know it best. It's just that you don't want to choose that because you are much more afraid towards that compare to letting go. How bad can it be? You just have to try.
Me : Yea.
Confession #05 : (Well, it's something personal which is not suitable to post it here! XD)
His advice : Timing plays an important role. It's could be not right at this moment but how do you know that it won't be right the next second? If you think it's worth it, give it a try! Listen to your heart. It knows what's best for you.
Me : Yeap. I'm listening. =)
That's the FIVE confession I made in front of him today and I'm glad I did that. By the way, I have confession #06!
Confession #06 : I just LOVE the way you give me a kiss on my forehead while hugging me before you leave. It's warm and that is what I need most at this moment! You came back for good! I just can't wait for you to be back again! *huggies* ♥♥♥♥♥