How well do I know myself?

Just some crap before I head to bed. I have been thinking quite a lot these few days. People around me sees me happy as I'm putting on my smiles, pretending things are going on very well for me. But who knows, behind those smiles, what I'm going through is putting me into a dilemma. Nowadays, I really don't know what I want, what's right, what's wrong, what should be done or what I should not be doing. Maybe things are getting complicated.

I'm someone who love to question. 'What if this, What if that??" And this leads me to do a stupid mistake by asking a question which I already know the answer and this answer will definitely disappoint me but yet I still ask for it. I don't know why I have such urge in me. It's like you are trying to test your heart, wondering how strong your heart can be when you get the answer. Hmmm...does this happened to anyone out there? Or is just me? 

Have you guys ever go through a situation that you are very angry at one person on his/her action but at the same time you are actually blaming yourself instead of putting the blame on that person? I did. The next thing I know I'm actually angry at myself. Then, I cried on my stupidity. I often tell myself that when one door closes, there's always a window open for me. I always believe that as life is full with choices, it's just about what you choose and which way you want. I wouldn't say that I regret on any of the choices I made as I'm happy with whatever i get today. But right now, the situation is, you know you are heading into a hole, but you still want to go for it. And  the interesting part is, the road to the hole is wayyyyyy toooooooo bumpy. I think that's what they called "THE UPS AND DOWNS"

Anyway, that's all on my stupidity crap on my blog. It's late and I shall sleep. Happy Raya Day! Enjoy the holidays! =) ♥

Distance

Looking back at the very last post that I blogged, it was about half year ago. I guess it's time for me to start all over again. I miss blogging. Yes I do but I'm just lazy, I remember I started blogging so that I can move on from my past relationship. Looking back at those old posts, I do look silly, don't I? Anyway, new post, new start, new beginning. Move on is what I should do. Let's start with a song, simple but yet it brings out a thousand words.

If you go through the lyrics of "Distance", this song really touches my heart. How many of you really found the perfect one? I don't mean that the love you all having now is not true but how much did it hit the point that you all will say "She/He is the right one! I'm so gonna have her/him and no one else in my life!". Well, I bet everyone did say this line before and the next few months it turns out to be someone else?

Well, I'm someone realistic. Maybe because I've been disappointed for few times, I don't really believe in fairy tales anymore. Loving someone is not easy. Loving someone at a correct timing is even harder. And not everyone will have the chance to do it. So why not appreciate what you have? What you really like? And what you really love? 

"Distance" is a song about loving someone at the wrong time in your life. It could be too soon or it could be too late, but never the less it's about being around the one whom your heart longs for but without showing your true feelings to them. So what can you do if you sit in such situation?

 Keep your distance?

The sun is filling up the room, 

and I can hear you dreaming. 

Do you feel the way I do? Right now. 

I wish we would just give up,

'cause the best part is falling. 

Call it anything but love. 

And I will make sure to keep my distance. 

Say I love you, and you're not listening. 

And how long can we keep this up? up, up. 

Please don't stand so close to me, 

I'm having trouble breathing. 

I'm afraid of what you'll see right now. 

I give you everything I am, all my broken heartbeats, until I know you'll understand. 

And I will make sure to keep my distance. 

Say I love you, and you're not listening. 

And how long can we keep this up? up, up, up. 

And I keep waiting for you to take me. 

You keep waiting to say what we have. 

So I'll make sure to keep my distance. 

Say I love you, and you're not listening. 

And how long can we keep this up? up, up, up. 

Make sure to keep my distance. 

Say I love you, and you're not listening. 

How long 'till we call this love, love, love?

followyourmindorlistentoyourheart?

The HEART : Heart is always the most important organ in the entire human body. It pumps blood. It brings oxygen to entire parts of body. It gives us heartbeats. It lets you feel what's love and most people or I should say that everyone used to connects heart to LOVE. 

The BRAIN : The brain is the human body's most mysterious organ. It learns. It changes. It adapts. It tells us what we see, what we hear. It lets us respond and most of all I think it  holds our soul. And brain is what we always called as our MIND.

But do you usually follow what your mind says? Or do you listen to your heart? Do you LOVE with your heart? Or do you love with your mind? We often hear people says that they love with their whole heart. And they never mention about their mind.

Okay. Here comes what I'm trying to say...HEART TRANSPLANT. We all know that heart transplant is that one completely loses his heart and be replaced by someone else. Right? So when the heart is being replaced, does it mean that he stops loving or he can starts loving someone else since it's not the heart that he used to love her? Agree?

Well, this proves that love actually works in the mind of people and not in their hearts because no matter how many heart transplant a person undergo, yet he can still has the same feelings for the same person he or she loves. Bottomline is, LOVE is a state of MIND. So tell me, do you still love with your whole heart? Or you love with your brain? LOL! Listen to your heart? Or follow what your mind says? You decide.

Having a bad WEEK!

This week is totally a disaster week. Having bad day from work to friends..What is wrong with everything and everyone? I just couldn't explain what's in my mind right now or what my heart feels currently..I could only feel the burden on my shoulder and and feel a knife stabbing my heart continuously which I could barely stands the pain. What's wrong with me? I just want to let all out by crying but my tears just couldn't flow out. I need a hug..I need a shoulder..I need somebody who can just listen to my rant and give me a pat on my head and tell me "everything will be fine". And when my tears start to flow down, I get hugged..a real big and tight hug!

I won't give up especially towards people around me. And for work wise..I might not doing my best but I will at least prove to them and never let them underestimate me. 

*shortest post ever*

=((((((((((((((((((((((((  --> can you see how sad I'm?? yeaaaa..I'm with this HUGE sad face! 

Just......ORDINARY ♥

Life could sounds special,
When you don't search for something,
is when you find it,
and then for some reason,
you get found too.
When you don't ask for something,
somehow you end up getting it,
and so when you found it,
you get addicted to it,
and when you need it close,
that's the time you lose it.
But when it's gone,
it's then when you realize,
how much you really need it,
how much you really want it,
and how much you really love it.
We are who we are,
we don't know what we have until we recklessly lose it,
but by then it can be already too late.


My life could be special too,
For some reason,
you have found me,
you used to place me on the pedestal,
and I really don't stand that tall.
I asked you to let me down,
and look upon me as an ordinary person,
but then you have turn me into someone special,
and that's definitely not me at all.
My feelings are hidden behind my face,
somehow, I'm bound to disappoint you,
and shatter all your hopes on me.
Next, you left me hanging,
leaving things unspoken,
I've no choice but to fall flat on my face.
And now you are gone,
but I'm just used to having you,
used to needing you,
used to wanting you,
I guess I'm just too late,
realizing what I have and recklessly lose you.
After all, this is just an ordinary thing.

#factsaboutme

People from all over the world is playing this game through Twitter. They tweets #factsaboutme follow by something statement about them and I thought why don't I join the crowd. But instead of tweeting it, I shall blog it out. Now, here comes the 100 #factsaboutme =)

1. #factsaboutme I like driving especially at night no matter it's alone or with friends but not when I'm stuck in a jam.

2. #factsaboutme I don't like alcohol but I just love to get drunk. Is there any other way?

3. #factsaboutme I don't really like to go home (Seremban) but I always miss my bed here. 

4. #factsaboutme I like hanging out with friends no matter who, just as long they keep me occupied.

5. #factsaboutme I love my jimuis. They know about me the most. *xoxo*

6. #factsaboutme I love my group. They always bring me laughter. =D

7. #factsaboutme When I'm all stressed up, most probably I will look for @daphneliciouz for dessertssss....

8. #factsaboutme I can continue sleeping the whole day without waking up. XD

9. #factsaboutme I hate the weather nowadays. When it's hot it can be DAMN hot! =S

10. #factsaboutme People always thinks that I'm tough, but I'm not actually.

11. #factsaboutme I like to care about people around me, but most of the time, I care for the wrong person and I hurt myself =(

12. #factsaboutme I don't mind giving out what I can do without asking for a payback.

13. #factsaboutme I like to learn things that I've never try before. 

14. #factsaboutme Although I like to try, but not on foods.

15. #factsaboutme I'm not a fan of Korean and Japanese cuisine.

16. #factsaboutme I can be very very very very scare of INSECTS.

17. #factsaboutme There's always someone in my mind that I miss. Always a random one.

18. #factsaboutme I LOVE my baby, but whenever I spend something on it, he will surely have other part that spoils. =(

19. #factsaboutme I love people to cuddle me to sleep.

20. #factsaboutme I can't live without my lappie. My darling is my everything for now.

21. #factsaboutme Although I'm related in IT field, I didn't know how to format a computer/laptop. What a failure! =X

22. #factsaboutme I like people to share their problems/secrets with me. It means they trust me.

23. #factsaboutme I never success installing the Adobe Master Collection. WTH!

24. #factsaboutme I love to blog but nowadays, I just can't find any good one to talk about.

25. #factsaboutme I just created a new Tumblr account and I'm lovin' it!

26. #factsaboutme I've more than a secrets in me which I could not share out to anyone. And I hate it.

27. #factsaboutme I've so much to tell, but there are times I just couldn't put them in words.

28. #factsaboutme I've never mention "FUCK" or any harsh words in front of my mum. =P

29. #factsaboutme I still couldn't get the right job for myself and I'm already at my middle of twenties. FML!

30. #factsaboutme I can hate bitches. REAL HATE.

31. #factsaboutme Although I hate, but there are still good memories that will refresh in my mind time to time.

32. #factsaboutme I love A Boi! Although he's naughty, but he can always cheer me up! ILY!

33. #factsaboutme I used to love chocolates. I still do, but not that much already. And make sure it's just chocolate without any additional nuts or fruits in it.

34. #factsaboutme I don't really like nuts, no matter is peanuts, cashew nuts or whatever!

35. #factsaboutme I love fruit drinks. I think that's the only way I get my vitamins. :p

36. #factsaboutme The best fruits that I love most is GREEN APPLE.

37. #factsaboutme I know english but from here, you should know how bad am I in it..especially my grammars! FTW!

38. #factsaboutme I only speaks basic mandarin and I'm sucks at it.

39. #factsaboutme I hate to do presentations! 

40. #factsaboutme I can sleep very late but I just hate to wake up early. I can only wake early if I sleep early!

41. #factsaboutme I'm still blur with what I want to do. DAMN!

42. #factsaboutme I hate aunties that always gossips to my mum because all those stories will come to me!

43. #factsaboutme I don't like gambling. Or maybe I'm afraid as I believe I will never have good lucks.

44. #factsaboutme I've never appreciate my boyfriends. Or I should say my EX-boyfriends. OH GREAT! =X

45. #factsaboutme I couldn't agree more that I care about my friends more than my sister.

46. #factsaboutme And this is why sometimes I get jealous over my friends who mad a great sisterhood or brotherhood. =S

47. #factsaboutme I always wish to have a brother who can protects me.

48. #factsaboutme I love Avril Lavigne but I've never have a real whole collection of her. =(

49. #factsaboutme I like travelling but not with my family but friends.

50. #factsaboutme I can't believe I have reached 50 of #factsaboutme within half an hour. =D

51. #factsaboutme I miss my school days especially during form 6.

52. #factsaboutme My favorite cartoon is  Tom and Jerry. 

53. #factsaboutme I love thriller and romance movies. 

54. #factsaboutme I don't really like action or scientific movies but I will still watch and it depends on the actors involved.

55. #factsaboutme I've got so much in my list to spend, but I got no money. =( 

56. #factsaboutme I always feel insecure.

57. #factsaboutme And that makes me doubt about myself everytime. SIGH!

58. #factsaboutme I'm just afraid to ask. Thus I always missed out the best for myself.

59. #factsaboutme I don't feel I belong here.

60. #factsaboutme I've crazy thoughts. Thoughts that can make me happy and forget the world. But it will never happen. ='(

61. #factsaboutme My real ambition is to be a forensic as I'm always eager to know but I fail my Biology! 

62. #factsaboutme I've more than FIVE social media accounts. But mostly I forget the login details. =X

63. #factsaboutme I used to have a collection of Mickey Mouse magazine and I wonder do they still have it in the market. 

64. #factsaboutme I wanted to try to have curly hair *as in wavy* but I always fail to keep my hair long! 

65. #factsaboutme I hate it when people twist my words and make it as their 'wise advice"

66. #factsaboutme I only dance when I'm in a club. =X

67. #factsaboutme I'm fat and short and I just need someone to force me to do my diets.  =( 

68. #factsaboutme I like to cry not because I'm emo all the time, it's because I just couldn't stop my tears.

69. #factsaboutme When I'm emo, I'm quiet. So, don't ask me stupid question..such as (You emo arh?)

70. #factsaboutme Fucking pissed off if someone does not keep his/her promise/words.

71. #factsaboutme I'm stubborn. Yes I am.

72. #factsaboutme The more you stop me to do something I want, the more I want to do it! =X (I guess this applied to my mum)

73. #factsaboutme I don't add any of my family members into my facebook, twitter or whatever account. I just don't like them getting involve in my social circle.

74. #factsaboutme I hate kiamsiap bosses! Especially those who said "This is for your own good". Ello!It's for your own good, not mine! FYL!

75. #factsaboutme I like to design, but I just don't have the skills and creativity to do it.

76. #factsaboutme I always think about what he thinks about me.

77. #factsaboutme I like going for midnight movie. That's the most relaxing time to enjoy a show.

78. #factsaboutme I hope to stay alone although currently I'm staying with my sister which makes no different. But I just want my own life.

79. #factsaboutme I just can't stay faraway from my friends. I can't live without them.

80. #factsaboutme I don't like people judging my way of living or the choices I should pick..especially my family.

81. #factsaboutme I don't mind gossiping as I do that too but never do paparazzi.

82. #factsaboutme I just don't like people runaway from the facts that they should face.

83. #factsaboutme I'm not chasing for a perfect love nor a perfect person. I'm just searching for someone who makes me feel "I'm PERFECT" just the way I am.

84. #factsaboutme I hate myself for treating him bad. I know I shouldn't and I know I'm taking granted of you. This is why I don't want to meet you. Sowie!

85. #factsaboutme I stop myself from being demanding as this will cause me to put in hopes on something.

86. #factsaboutme Sometimes I just do something that I don't like just to see people around me happy.

87. #factsaboutme I hate myself too as sometimes I runaway from facts that I should face. FML again!

88. #factsaboutme I always feels like cooking but when I make up my mind, I get lazy.... =O

89. #factsaboutme I don't sweat! =S

90. #factsaboutme I like playing with remote controls especially TV's!

91. #factsaboutme My mood always swings. ='(

92. #factsaboutme I like to join blogger's events but I've never been once because most of it is on weekends! >.<

93. #factsaboutme I'm a girl who will put up quotes explaining exactly how I feel at that moment. There's nothing to hide?

94. #factsaboutme I love watching the sea and enjoy the cool breeze.

95. #factsaboutme When I'm keeping quiet, means it's time to leave me alone and it's time for me to overcome my problems ALONE.

96. #factsaboutme I love people patting my head and kissing my forehead. It feels warm.

97. #factsaboutme I always don't know what I want, and when I know it's always too late. I hate the feeling of regret! o.O

98. #factsaboutme I always hope to know there's someone who do like me.

99. #factsaboutme I like gatherings! =)

100. #factsaboutme I'm very INDECISIVE! 

I bet there are more #factsaboutme. But for now...this is it! *hugs and kisses* =)

Perfect LOVE?

Things have become uncontrolled. Or is the world changing? It's been awhile since the last time I heard about fairy tales or those happily ever after stories. Yea..I know it still exist or is it going to be extinct? Everyone is busy looking for true love. But when it appears in front of you, have you ever tried your best to protect it and appreciate it well? Let me remind you, you are looking for TRUE love and not PERFECT love. There's no such thing as perfect in this world. So stop searching for one because when you are too obsessed in it you might has neglected what you have just right beside you. 

What's LOVE? Giving whatsoever that you want or he wants? Kissing? Hugging? Sexing? Sharing? Changing? That's all? Well, let's see..."Being in love isn’t about finding the person whose perfect, it’s about finding an imperfect person perfect for you, and loving them with all their flaws. It’s about finding them beautiful even when they feel ugly. It’s about falling in love with every single part of them, especially the parts that they hate about themselves." Do you feel all this in you and your partner? I mean..why bother changing their attitudes or characters just to please you? It's their life. Yes, they are your love ones but you don't OWN them. Why don't you ask yourself to change for them? Will you? No doubt they can be happily changing just for you, but back to the start, is that the same person that you've known all the while?

Love is actually something very simple and yet human has complicated it. Love is a tiny little shinning thing, that somehow it stuck in your heart and you cannot deny it's presence. When it comes, you can't see it or touch it but it does make things better. Colors are brighter, music is sweeter and funny things are funnier. And with love, you will realize that you are doing so much more than usual..waltzing in the dark, waiting for phone to ring, walking in the rain and quarreling and making up again.(Oh well..) Love makes us curl up tight so that nothing can come between us, and we make those promises that only time will tell if they are true. Love let us tell our dirty little secret and pour out our souls. Love makes us share oxygen and tears and dreams and nightmares, and kiss the bruises. Love links our little fingers and make our plans and swear we will never leave. 

Love is just as simple as that and why is it still so hard to maintain? Pretty pretty fairy tales..please come back...

 *I Love You* =)

What matters?

For those being single, it is not the toughest thing that happened to you. Yes, you might have feelings on a particular someone, and feel like you have to give up all and express all the feelings of yours. But at least you can see the chances there. And somehow, nothing hurts more than an unreturned love. I strongly support that fact that you must always know that you are special, but do not lose focus in whatsoever you do. If all goes well, do not be afraid to share your feelings, share the love as you will never know what's the right one for you.

Me being a normal being, desires for love as well. You might be experiencing an unreturned love, reaching for something you can't reach, or even worse, not a slight chance of reaching. Well, I had my time too.*Don't forget I'm just the same as you* We have our ups and downs. There are times, things werent good and you feel like hiding yourself in your blanket and just forget the world, run away, secretly breaking apart, or even shed tear a little. Well you're not alone again, I went through all that as well. That is why I know you needed me the most. I can't be the one mending your heart but I can always be the one who will share my love just to save .you from falling apart.

You've given all your heart, but that someone had torn your heart apart. Its really hard to love again. It hurts as you have so much to say, but you don't exactly know how to put it, and he just walked away with ignorance. But somehow I believe, if he's the one, you wouldn't need to say much, as he's supposed to be the one reads your heart. I would say stay although you are unloved, don't affect your own well being for someone who's not worth it. Stay strong and stay true.

However,love is actually a game. It's a game where there will be two winners. It's a game where you are dare to live with love and show some love. And to me if you couldn't get someone out of your mind, maybe because they're meant to be there. I never fight with my fate and so do my faith. If it's stucks there, I will just let it be, as I believe if it's supposed to leave, it will. People always say that we should fight for what we want, but have you ever wonder what you really want?

I can f**king hate...

Let me tell you all what I can fucking hate these days...


a) I hate those bitches who stalked me, followed me and pretended to be good to me. They don't care but they are just being bitchy!


b) I hate people who does not admit on their faults but accused others for it.


c) I hate people who make a great fantastic big deal about tiny little small matter. They are just EXAGGERATING or should I say they are trying to get some attention?!


d) I can hate people judging me on doing something by following my own way. My way might not be the best but it does not mean your way works. I've my own reason, you could have yours too. So stay out of my way! If you want, go get your own life!


e) I hate people ordered me to do things for them while you are not my BOSS!


f) I hate people questioning me from a to z and from 1 to 10! That can be annoying!


g) I hate people who wants to control my life. Yea..I like sleeping late, going out late, driving around late and drinking late. So what? It's my LIFE!


h) I hate people who betrayed my sincerity towards them. I'm treating you good but you are making used of me. Don't take me for granted!


i) I can hate the feeling of losing. I've once lose something/someone important and I will not let that feeling overwhelm me again!


j) I hate clients that keep on changing their mind towards my design! Can't you say all at once?


k) I can hate people who does not keep their promises or words. Yes is yes..There's nothing as NOT SURE! Fuck you!


l) I hate people asking me for some occasion at last minute. HELLO! I've my own little private time for personal things, you might ruin my plan! I'm not 24 hours ready for you! I don't sell my life to you!


m) I can hate myself for not getting what I want. I've told myself not to care and get whatever it is but sometimes it's just OUT OF MY CONTROL!


n) I hate people who pretended to be Mr. Nice Guy! Come on..it's written on your forehead..no one can change that fact of yours!


o) I hate those who pretend nothing has happened when it's actually something BIG. You are just trying to runaway from the problem..you COWARD!


p) I hate people showing off "UNINTENTIONALLY"!? Oh please!We know who you are!


q) I hate myself for trusting people easily. I'm just trying to be good. FML!


r) I can hate people who talk nonstop at some point. Sometimes, especially when I'm moody, you better don't come near me. I'll BITE!


s) I can hate myself for not bathing within 24 hours. I'll start scratching my hair!


t) I hate to force people. If you are not willing to do it, do let me know. I do not have any intention to force you!


u) I hate those who does not care about people's feeling. Please put yourself in their shoes too!


v) I hate it when I've got no idea for my blog. I can't stop blogging!


w) I hate people who says "I'm doing this for your own good" while you've already hurt that person. Just admit you are SELFISH! Damn it!


x) I can hate those people who tag me on those selling products on Facebook. Excuse me! No free publications!


y) I hate myself for staying in the room and drafting this right now. I should be out enjoying my night!


z) I can hate myself for being so lazy (my room is really messed up!) and I hate myself for having so much hatred in my life!!!


So, which hatred of mine is yours too? Last but not least, I can hate alphabets because it only contains 26 of them. I do not have enough to write all out! XD

The Outsider

It is strange how an outsider can turned out to be so close to you. He, who you know nothing about him, suddenly approaches you, asking what's your name or where you stay, what will be your first reaction? Has it ever cross your mind that someone who you don't notice even he used to pass in front of you turns out to be someone close? Or maybe both of you actually live under the same roof but you never notice him not until one day you bump into him? How strange things can be from there? Have you ever wonder about all these?

I'm not talking about those you bump into in a bar or a club asking whether they can buy you a drink or something to eat or not. Those are with intentions but what I meant here is he comes by fate. It's not plan at all. Get what I mean? You never know what will happen next. And he just walk into your life just like that. No signal, no siren, no nothing. And next, *pooofff* he's "somebody". Don't get me wrong here, what I meant by somebody is someone close which you can share some info. Fate or Faith? Surprisingly, that remains unknown. 

Strange but true. Sometimes it's whole lot easier to talk to an outsider. And slowly this outsider comes into the scene as you get along with him. What scene? Scenes of your life! =) You spent most of the time with him, talking, laughing and lots more. It's the comfort that you experienced makes you stay with him. People come and go in your life. Not knowing who will be the next to come or the next to go. I'm not saying he's gonna turn to be your partner but I'm pretty sure each of us will have someone like that beside us. He's not anyone to you but he is somebody!

Life is weird actually. First, it's a mystery. Then, it's a suspend. Next, it's choices. It's all unpredictable! It comes in a circle. He enter your life and so do you. Nobody and Somebody? Can you see the impossibility? It's all so contras and yet it's happening. I don't know if there's anyone like that already exists beside you, but when he does, you will know. He could be her. He could be them. He could be just anyone. Just appreciate him. =) 

p/s: Please take note that the HE can be replaced by SHE too. It does not mean anything. =D

A Letter For MYSELF ♥ - Smile =)

Dear Whosoever,


Sometimes I wonder myself for long,
Wonder what reason you had that can keep me smile that long,
But then I realize it was you,
You are the reason that keep me smiling for so long.


There are times I feel like crying,
And life seems such a burden,
Looking up upon the rainy sky,
Behind the big gray clouds,
There's a bright blue sky,
And then I make my tears into a smile,
To make myself believe one smile worth a dozen frowns.


How can one smile such sweet smiles,
Even when one is saddened by sorrows for miles,
You taught me to keep that smile,
Reminding me there's a mile in every smile,
A well in every dwell.


Smile is a mystery,
Smile is magical,
I've learned to smile because of you,
And because of you, I'm smiling,
I've never thought a smile can be so beautiful,
For it's something that is of no value to anyone,
Not until it is given away,
Just like it is given to you.


I guess life it's just like that,
For a smile, it's the reason itself,
Give a great smile away,
While I'm pretty sure you can get one back to keep,
Smile before you rise,
Smile before you sleep,
And smile whenever you think of me.


=)

Pray For Japan.

Let's put our hands together and pray hard for them. Finger crossed.

Dissatisfaction

Wrong. Nope, I didn't do anything wrong but I feel so wrong at this moment. I can't find any words that best describe my feeling right now. Dissatisfaction? Maybe. Everything I do today, it seems to be lack of something, but what's that? I woke up at the wrong side of my bed? I step into my office with the wrong foot? I on my computer with the wrong button? Well, I don't think so. Or maybe I'm just being emotional today =(

Can I have silence at this time? My brain seems to be stuck today..can't think..can't work. They are making too much noise. And someone is expecting free consultation from me. ARGH! Not at this moment can arh? You are too noisy! When things already don't go my way, there's always something that pop up to make it worse. Write out being rejected. FINE. Tagline not good enough. FINE. Image not special enough. STILL FINE. And now what? Even supplier also reject my work? WTF! The color couldn't match while the film is already out? DAMN!

Alright..I'm trying my best to think of a solution..BUT I NEED SILENCE!! I just need to think. I know..the above matters are not big deals and that is why I feel so wrong. Since it's not a big deal, why am I being so confuse?I can't find the calm in me. What's wrong? Something bad going to happen? Huuhhhhhh...kRystLe-NOTyOu! Calm down..take a deep breath and let all out! aaaAARRRRGGGGHHHHhhhhh!!!!! =.='

Okay..I still feel the same >.< I need something to distract me! Get me something!!! =\

Beautiful Nights ♥

Here comes the night,

The moment that I've been waiting for,

The moment when the silence appear,

The moment when the mind is clear.

The day is gone,

And the moon starts to shine,

Staring in the dark bejeweled sky,

As time passes by.

Sitting in this calm cold night,

With no sounds around and no one to be found,

The world seems to belongs to you,

With no worries and nothing to be frown.

The night approaches,

And the earth rotates silently,

This is when everything comes lively,

And I could see all clearly.

The starry night is what I've been waiting,

Where I can shield my secrets in between,

Tenderness reflects and truth is unveil,

Here comes the real world, it reveals.

I'm standing here in the middle of the night,

Looking upon this beautiful sky,

With the winds blow against me,

Feeling like I'm flying without wings.

And soon it is getting late,

Sleep comes to get me away,

I smile at this peaceful atmosphere,

I just cant wait for the next night to appear.

Great Philosophy!

A short write out on a story that my aunt told me during reunion dinner yesterday. It's about the different of heaven and hell which I found it simple yet meaningful.

All these while, God has been fair enough to prepare the same amount of foods for everyone in Heaven and in Hell. Everyone is given a six foot long chopsticks to enjoy the foods there.  But why do the people in Hell are crying that they do not have foods to eat? And yet they are given the same foods as in Heaven. And so a man has been send out to find out why. This man visits the Hell first and next the Heaven. 

People in Hell are still starving although they are given food is because of the six foot long chopstick which they could not reach to feed themselves with such long chopstick. But the people in Heaven are given the same long chopstick just like in Hell, but how come they are not starving? How do they feed themselves? And so this man visits the Heaven. Once he reached the Heaven, he smiles. He's impressed with the situation he saw in Heaven. So, guess how the people in Heaven feed themselves?

The reason behind why the people in Heaven can eat happily without facing the problem with that chopstick is they tend to feed each other rather than feeding their own self. While the people in Hell are too selfish and they only think of feeding themselves rather than sharing with their people. And so this is what makes the different between Heaven and Hell.

Well, this story might be not meaningful to you all but this is a good example to us. Most people suffered due to their own selfishness. There are times problem can be solves easily but just because of their egoistic , they would rather keep everything to themselves. Sometimes things depends on how you look on it. If that thing can bring benefits to both parties, why not give a try? Why people only tend to think they want to grab all the benefits for themselves only? Why is it so hard to share? Anyway, this is what I want to share with you all today. Like what I always say, the choice is yours! It all depends on how you think!

Anyway, it's Chinese New Year! I would like to wish everyone Happy Bunny New Year and had a great and prosperous year ahead!! -Hugs and Loves- ♥

Too True, Too Often

Yesterday I was watching this series on tv, Grey's Anatomy (one of my favorite series). They were actually showing the very last episode of Season 6. This episode is about a shooter who simply shoots surgeons in the hospital to get revenge on his wife's death. In previous episode, Derek, Dr. Webber (the chief) and Lexie are the one who unplugged the shooter's wife from the machine. Then this episode comes to a point where the shooter is left with one bullet which he has to choose to shoot Dr. Webber or to kill himself. And when it comes to the end, Derek voiceover "Human life is made up of choices, live or dead, that's the important choice...and it's not always in our hands" 

I found this sentence is too true and too often it's really not always in our hands. Life is full with choices. The choices you made, makes you. But how often that the choices you make is what you want? Derek is a surgeon, he's supposed to save life but yet he's the one that decide to unplug the machine. Is that what he wants? All the while the shooter was trying to get revenge for his wife, but when he is left with one bullet, instead of killing Dr. Webber, he choose to kill himself. He killed so many innocent life, but end up he failed to kill his enemy? 

Too often that we plan our life. We plan what to study, we plan what to work, we plan when to get married and we even plan what kind of partner we want to get. But how often all these go the way you want? LOL~ (I'm smiling when I wrote this! Don't ask me why XP) Well, I'm not saying that things that does not go the way you planned is not good. Sometimes it even goes way much better than you planned. Right? Then why plan? No matter how good is your plan, there are still things that happened to block your way and that's what we called "Obstacles of Life". Annoying huh?

What I'm trying to say here is, since life is so decisive, so many choices to choose, but we don't know it's right or wrong, why don't we just let it be? Why don't we just let things happen the way it will be? Even if you made a choice, how often it's right? If it's meant to be correct, then it will be. If it's not, what can you do? Regret? Cry? Blame each other? What else? To me, I hate to make choices. I will never know what's in front of me. No matter how perfect my plan will be, who can guarantee me that my plan will work? No one can! End up, it's still not you that make that choice too. 

I'm not sure you get what I mean. But yet, I guess this sentence "Human life is made up of choices, live or dead, that's the important choice...and it's not always in our hands" is just too true and too often is not just only about live or dead. It's about everything. 

=(

Woke up early in the morning feeling not so happy. I slept quite early yesterday thinking I can sleep all my emoness away and skip whatever that happened but it didn't. They are still here. When will all these stop following me? Sometimes I feel the world is being unfair and cruel but I make myself believe that life surely has it's ups and downs. 


Honestly, the moment I wake up, something comes into my mind and automatically tears flow down to my cheeks. Why do life has so many choices? And have you ever face this problem which when there's choices, you can never get what you want and when it comes to final decision, you can never get to choose. Eventually, someone will make the choice for you. Where's the freedom? Don't you think it's unfair? It's my decision and why can't I do it my way? And it end up whether with choices or not, the decision is still not mine. 


Everyone complained that I've cared too much. I care what people said, I care what people think and I even care about how they feel more than I feel. And that's why I'm undergoing this. I rather take all to myself than hurting others. am I being silly? Or I'm being too good? But right now it's all too burden..too burden until I can feel the pressure. I'm just living the way to please others and I hate this, but still I'm doing it! Wtf~


In my life..I can hate people judging me. I always think that no one can ever judge you except you because only you yourself know what's in you. Only you know what suits you, what you are feeling and what you are doing. Please don't force me to do things that you like. How about things that I like? When comes to things that I like, I've to choose to let go, but when it comes to things I don't like, I've to choose to have it. WHY?? Do you know what I want?


My mind can be very mixed up now, so do my heart. People ask me to listen to my heart and not to my mind but right now I don't even have a clear heart and don't talk about clear mind. Why am I standing at this point again? Why do I turn back? Or is it actually I've never escape before? Do I get to choose this time around? Will I get what I want? Or there's only one choice? =((((((

A Letter For MYSELF ♥ - Deja Vu

Dear Whosoever,


I remember being here before,
Sitting right in front of you,
Words that has spoken,
I'm hearing them again,
I thought I've passed through this before,
The memories seems fresh but I couldn't recall,
The atmosphere looks familiar but unsure,
The only thing I can recall is YOU,
Was it Deja Vu that led you to me?
Or was it Deja Vu that brought us together?
Is the memory being misplace?
But why only YOU I could recognize?
Is this somehow a sign?
Could YOU be the dream that keeps coming to me?
Is it me or is it YOU?
All these are left unspoken,
But well, I guess Deja Vu is the only thing that keep my memories awake about YOU.

♥ JMF ♥

Mmmm..hhhmmmm...You babes should know who you are! Let's see what I've got to talk about you all one by one! But before I start..just want to let you all know that I LOVE YOU ALL,BABES!! *muacks and huggies* 

Okay..who to start first..let's start according to birth date kay?

♥ This babe..hmm..looks like recently our ji muis seems to stuck in LOVE problem. Listen to your heart babe..You know who's the best for you. No one can decide for you as you are the only one who knows what you want. Sometimes we get bithcy,but this is normal just as long you know who you should go to at the end and who is worthy for you. No matter what, you always have us to support you. Give me a call or msg me anytime, I will be there for you ♥ And no matter how bitchy you get, you are still amazing and I just love talking on the phone with you. You can definitely read my mind and understand every single words that's written in my head! Stay firm and don't look back! *huggies*

♥ Alright..this one..hmmm...we like to call her elephant, don't we? LOL! She's cute and funny and that's the reason why I love being with her. She can easily cheer up my days although her jokes kinda lame sometimes but what makes it funny it's her action! XD But recently, she's acting weird..agree? ESPECIALLY, THAT DAY!!! *lmao* Oh well, just let her be..better don't stop her from finding her prince charming..Muahahaha! Come on, Fatimah..just admit it! =D This babe sometimes does annoy me..especially when she made up her mind and ignore us. I don't mind her ignorance but the excuses and reasons..SUCKS! So..please think of better reasons next time or I will screw you!Anyway, keep me up to date kay? LOVE YOU ALWAYS! 

♥ Next..aaawwww...this babe likes to goyang the most!! And omg....she has been jobless for 4 months?? And approaching the 5th month maybe? When only you can stop goyang my dear? We miss you lots and we are waiting for you to come back and rock our world! And you know what? I hate you..cause you get to goyang and I don't! You are getting more and more outdated about us already. We (you know who lar) need you to lead us out from whatever we are undergoing. You are always the conscious one, so, please bring us back to reality. And you..should go look for "the one" lar..It's been awhile already. What happened to the "RICH" and "HANDSOME" target? LOL! Oh well, don't be too choosy kay? MISS YOU LOTS!

♥ It's your turn! Our beloved senior who turn out to be one of our JMF! All of us kinda jealous of her on going steady relationship and we are guessing she will be the first one to *ahem* among us! LOL~ So we are waiting for the red card kay? hahahaha..she's one caring ji mui although sometimes she kinda blur and get the news late but she's trying her best to catch up with our updates asap. One more thing..she's bad at road direction..but if compare to elephant..she consider okay ad!=D This babe is always with a camera. But I likey!! Cause it captures every moment that we spend together and I just love to cam-whore with her! Muahahaha XD -xoxo-

♥ Our architect babe! Although she's younger than me a year, her advice is always the best. I just love the way she thinks. Just exactly what I need! Well babe, just don't get too busy. There are much more bigger thing outside waiting for you to explore. You-get-what-I-mean? Don't lar always fuck people around! And don't always fuck me at the back of me! Muahahaha XD I will get to know no matter what! You will always have me around supporting you. Anything just whatsapp me! I'm ready for you. And hopefully you are ready for me too..We just need to undergo this together. They just don't worth it! =) WTF! (this is for you!)

♥ The most happy babe of all..found her happiness and living great with him I would say *jealous* Always busy travelling from here to Genting..then to JB..Although we stay damn near, I can hardly meet her up! She's totally different back in uni days. She used to be...*mmm...hhmmmm* ( Ji Muis should know what I'm trying to say XD )..and now..she can COOK! imagine that! She take good care of him and she cleans the house! OMG right? Well, LOVE can really change someone, don't they? She's one busy and successful babe among us, but still she will make time for us and call us up time to time to ask about us! I just LOVE the way you care for us. It's time..you are ready for a real FAMILY! =D *muacks*

♥ My last December Babe~ This babe..always there for me..just one call, and the next minute, she will just appear in front of me. I'm glad for her as she found her love one. And I can feel the happiness around her nowadays =) Thanks for all the support all this while babe..Your advice and accompany really helps a lot especially when I'm freaky down sometimes. I just love sharing my tears with you. I just don't know why..but the softness and cares in you makes me cry easily XD And this party babe is me and Nat's favorite drinking kaki! *slrpppppp* So, when is our next round? =D Babe, all the best in your studies kay? I just LOVE tweeting, plurking and app-ing you! LOL! She's my GOSSIP GIRL! ♥

Alright..That's all I can think of. Actually there's lots more to say but I just cant write all out. So I only write the latest of us. Hopefully the 8 of us will stay JMF and I wont talk about myself here. But I'll let you all talk about me. =) I love you all always and there's certainly no secrets between us! Cheers for our JMF! *big big huggies*