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Saturday, January 22, 2011

=(

Woke up early in the morning feeling not so happy. I slept quite early yesterday thinking I can sleep all my emoness away and skip whatever that happened but it didn't. They are still here. When will all these stop following me? Sometimes I feel the world is being unfair and cruel but I make myself believe that life surely has it's ups and downs. 


Honestly, the moment I wake up, something comes into my mind and automatically tears flow down to my cheeks. Why do life has so many choices? And have you ever face this problem which when there's choices, you can never get what you want and when it comes to final decision, you can never get to choose. Eventually, someone will make the choice for you. Where's the freedom? Don't you think it's unfair? It's my decision and why can't I do it my way? And it end up whether with choices or not, the decision is still not mine. 


Everyone complained that I've cared too much. I care what people said, I care what people think and I even care about how they feel more than I feel. And that's why I'm undergoing this. I rather take all to myself than hurting others. am I being silly? Or I'm being too good? But right now it's all too burden..too burden until I can feel the pressure. I'm just living the way to please others and I hate this, but still I'm doing it! Wtf~


In my life..I can hate people judging me. I always think that no one can ever judge you except you because only you yourself know what's in you. Only you know what suits you, what you are feeling and what you are doing. Please don't force me to do things that you like. How about things that I like? When comes to things that I like, I've to choose to let go, but when it comes to things I don't like, I've to choose to have it. WHY?? Do you know what I want?


My mind can be very mixed up now, so do my heart. People ask me to listen to my heart and not to my mind but right now I don't even have a clear heart and don't talk about clear mind. Why am I standing at this point again? Why do I turn back? Or is it actually I've never escape before? Do I get to choose this time around? Will I get what I want? Or there's only one choice? =((((((

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